Updating the Crypt Thing

As Dungeon Dad inspired me with nifty monsters from Dungeons and Dragons’ days of yore, I converted one of my favourite 2nd Edition Dungeons and Dragons Undead guardians. What a dapper chap! A robed skeletal monk librarian who just wants to read his books. I am pretty sure the design team, fearing being sued by HBO’s Tales from the Crypt, somehow settled on the name ‘Crypt Thing’ instead of what was obvious. This skeletal dude is the guardian of a crypt; y’know, an actual keeper of said crypt. I decided to go with the name Cryptkeeper because sometimes it is nice to have things written on the tin. I wouldn’t use the bombastic personality of the Tales from the Crypt framing narrative for this creature; I see the creation of this Undead more in-line with a librarian or other serious, studious archetypes.

Or don’t, unlike Josiah I’m not your real dad.

Don’t Worry, We’re Both Disappointed

What initially attracted me to the Crypt Thing, aside from the obvious homage to Tales from the Crypt, is that the Cryptkeeper doesn’t do that much damage. Instead, its special property was teleporting people hundreds of feet. This nerd was also a bouncer! He’d kick out the unruly kids who are ruining his reading time.

The Cryptkeeper doesn’t appear to do that much damage, even including fall damage. A 100 ft. fall is 10d6, averaging 35 damage atop of its 6 Necrotic at perhaps twice per Round. However, that’s because you aren’t thinking creatively with such powers. By the time you meet the Cryptkeeper, you might be only sixty or seventy feet underground; having the Cryptkeeper teleport someone to the surface is worse than a lot of ‘Save or Suck/Die’ effects. The Cryptkeeper has deleted a threat by placing the poor victim hundreds of feet from its companions.

That’s just the start. If the Cryptkeeper is slumming it a mountain fortress, they could teleport a target laterally a hundred feet for them to appear hundreds of feet above the ground. Even separating the party by having them arrive in different sections of a dungeon is deadly, for sure; especially since it’s usually only one person is carrying the torch. Perhaps the Cryptkeeper teleports them into a tomb, knowing that they would eventually starve or run out of oxygen. Another option is placing someone above the Ghoul pit and the player might want to pray that they previously cleared that out.

Friar Tuck Learned Some Jutsu

The juxtaposition of such a weak body but dangerous ability if you’re creative is what made the Crypt Thing appealing. Their purpose is also interesting in that they are created to maintain a crypt. The person voluntarily submits to a ritual that creates this creature. They are tied to the crypt, they can’t leave it but they knew that when they signed up; the Cryptkeeper spends their time organizing and researching ancient texts.

This creature is one of the original reasons why I figured out that the best thing to do with creatures is to Jacquays the stat block. The Cryptkeeper might know a lot of forbidden, hidden or forgotton knowledge that your players will have to attempt to extract from the Cryptkeeper. Depending on how ornery you make this guardian, this could be a whole ordeal that involves negotation.

Plot Beats and Hook Stories

As it is intelligent and well educated, the Cryptkeeper might not be a combat genius but it can easily work for one. As a Lieutenant to a lord of undeath like a Death Knight, the Cryptkeeper’s teleportation touch attack can be used to suddenly surprise players by delivering that Knight or one of its dangerous minions to the party. A Giant Zombie may not be Immune to the Necrotic damage but it will certainly save on HP lost if it needed to trek across the battlefield, especially if it is teleported on top of its targets. The more creative you like to be when it comes to surprising your players, the Cryptkeeper allows you to express yourself.

If you look at the language portion of the stat block, an astute reader would notice ‘Common Language’ over Common. I don’t have Common in my games as I find it boring, derivative and inauthetic. Barriers in games are more interesting; in fact, barriers are often the point for playing a game. I previously covered why I remove Common and how I reward players for picking languages.

Pick the Common language based off of the Cryptkeeper’s racial language, another lingua franca that makes sense or a dead language that was common when the Cryptkeeper was created. Perhaps there’s a magical spell that makes the language untranslatable through magic because there’s a document that will reveal the weakness of the big bad guy. Suddenly, dealing with the Cryptkeeper has become far more interesting than merely ‘Common’.

With the Cryptkeeper’s Rejuvination, players who had thought they had previously destroyed the guardian are in for a rude awakening. More amusingly, if your West Marches people are very fragmented and frequent the space the Cryptkeeper is in, a bunch might be allied with the Undead guardian while others try to destroy it on sight. When a mix of this party encounters the Cryptkeeper, I’m sure shenanigans will readily flow.

Use on Your Players irResponsibly

I have found that the Cryptkeeper is an example of ‘Anti-Murder Hobo Technology’. For example, in my review of Aberrant Reflections, a dungeon designed for levels 1 to 4, there is a powerul guardian. The players would be wiped out if they fought it but they’re not meant to. If left alone and its space treated respectfully, the Cryptkeeper might leave your players alone. Or have an interesting roleplay with a stuffy librarian who has a gun. If combat goes down due to Murder Hobo’ry, the Cryptkeeper can give your players the smack that they’re deserving of.

If you liked this, I did convert another goofy lil’ guy in the form of the Argos. It’s a blue space amoeba created by Beholders to serve as sources of air and gravity for their spaceships in the Spelljammer campaign setting, which is Age of Sail in Space. Just like Beholders, the Argos shoots out random spells but also isn’t shy of getting into peoples faces to bite or engulf them.

Onto the e-begging, if you found this worthwhile and saved you headache or heartache for stocking a dungeon, please consider dropping a tip in my ko-fi. If you’re looking for more stat blocks, I have a few in my Patreon; such as the ‘Deadbear’ to replace an incomplete stat block I discovered while reviewing The Seeker’s Guide to Twisted Taverns. Or if you know someone this would be perfect for, share away!